We love to believe that giving advice to people is the best way to help those in trouble, however, we are unaware that giving advice may be the first rock in the other person’s mental block, that is why giving an advice is not ethical during a coaching session, and there is no coach should give any kind of advice whatsoever.
Let’s not be so sure that giving advice is the best form of healthy communication when we feel like someone is telling us for advice. To our surprise, the person is often telling us what is wrong with them because they need someone to listen and not to advise.
Compassion can sometimes take us to roads of greater blockages. Advising is considered one of the top actions of compassion to end someone’s suffering.
We feel the need to end someone’s suffering because we adopt their feelings as they confide in us, therefore we need to end their suffering which is in reality our suffering.
Becoming aware why advising can block good and healthy communication can make our communication better and more effective.
Communication is the part that distinguishes us from other creatures, yet we may fail miserably at it. Couples fail in their relationships and decide they are no longer right for each other, employees resign from their jobs and friendships can end in a wimp.
All of that is due to bad communication between both parties. Often, this would reflect poor listening skills from one party or both parties especially when the situations get heated or intense.
Trying to be the solution for someone is certainly never the solution regardless of our desire to help that person.
It is very important that we fight out temptation to advise the person who is approaching us because we need to know what they need first.
Sometimes people would approach with no intention of finding out what we think of the situation. All they need is someone who can listen to them. Other times, people would approach us and communicate what they need from us as they tell us the problem.
In such cases where the person does not communicate their intention from approaching us, we are required to ask them about their intention to avoid breaking the rapport with them through miscommunicating and advising. Hence, advice is not to be dispensed left and right.
You might find yourself feeling very frustrated when someone approaches you with a problem, you advise, they do not take the advice and do something else.
This is because you have sympathized with the problem and adopted their feelings while tiring yourself to find a solution for them. This was certainly exhausting mentally and physically and became more frustrating when you felt like your efforts had gone to waste.