“It takes two to Tango!”
This is one of the most popular sayings about any situation that is based on two people. People often assume that people who share the same core values as their partners are the happiest.
They tend to have healthy and happy relationships which is everyone’s goal. We all have an innate need that we are born with to feel and share love with the people around us. If we didn’t have such a need, we wouldn’t have continued to start new relationships after we end one while hoping that it would last forever.
What Are The Core Values In Relationships?
Core values are simply the beliefs of a person that guide him through different stages of life. Our core values determine our behaviours and help us react and respond to what is considered right and wrong based on our judgement and understanding.
Couples who intend to start a new relationship together must be aware of their partner’s values in order to nurture and cherish them. The one thing that can make or break a relationship is respect. To your surprise, it is not as crucial as you may think to be with someone who shares your identical core values.
First, let’s list the size core values of all human beings:
1. Personal Power
or claiming oneself: Self-esteem, confidence, identity, inner motivation, a positive sense of self, clear ego boundaries, self-love, courage.
2. Achievement
or proving oneself: Reaching goals, conducting projects, working, winning, playing in organised sports, having ambition, getting results and recognition, being purposive.
3. Doing Intimacy
sharing oneself: Loving, bonding, caring, being intimate, making relationships work, feeling close, nesting, coupling, parenting, being a good friend, reaching out to others, seeking companionship
4. Playful and Creative
or expressing oneself: Being imaginative, intuitive, playful, spontaneous, original, expressive, humorous, artistic, creative, curious
5. Search for meaning
integrating oneself: Finding wholeness, unity, integrity, peace, an inner connection to all things, spirituality, trust in the flow of life, inner wisdom, a sense of transcendence
6. Compassion and Contribution
giving of oneself: Improving, helping, feeding, reforming, leaving the world a better place, bequeathing, being generative, serving, social and environmental caring, institution building, volunteering.
One thing that is as important as knowing your partner’s values is knowing your own values as well. We must know that we all have the core values, but we need to fulfil different ones at different times and stages of our lives.
What comes as a priority in the relationship is not having the same values, on the contrary, you can have different values than your client and yet support his growth beyond limits.
If for instance one person in the relationship has achievement as his core value, and the other has his core value as doing intimacy, both can lead a very happy life as long as both of them are not being an obstacle in the fulfilment in each other’s values.Therefore, having the same values does not necessarily mean a happy life.