When to Let Go of a Relationship?
Anyone who was in a situation where they had to let go of a relationship would know that letting go of a relationship is one of the hardest choices that they can ever make.
Between anger, denial, depression, negotiating and acceptance, it can feel almost impossible that one day we can let go of the relationship. The idea itself can take you into a “Broken Heart Syndrome” which means that the arteries around your heart start tearing apart which can cause actual physical pain which can lead to death. Therefore, a heartbreak if not handled well can kill and cause actual death, literally.
In those situations it is better if you consult a relationship coach, to help you deal with this heartbreak, or even go to a therapist for a mental health consultation.
It is very easy to tell someone to let go of a relationship and to be indifferent to the existence of their previous partner. It is so easy because we don’t understand what letting go actually means. Letting go means so many things other than forgetting the person we were once, and still, so in love with.
It means letting go of the memories we made with that person and to ignore our feelings of hurt and nostalgia every time we go somewhere that we had once been to with them. This can literally mean everywhere.
It means letting go of our dreams and aspirations that we shared with no one but them because we felt so safe to share all that with no one but them.
It means feeling so much hurt and pain every time we accomplish one of those dreams because we are not able to share the joy of success with them, so we decide not to feel the joy altogether.
We feel regret instead and sometimes even guilt that we have it so far without them. It means letting go of the self that you are holding on to because your favorite self was when you were around them.
Unhealthy feelings? Maybe, but only to those who are not Coaches.
Professional Coaches would recommend allowing yourself to feel those feelings to the maximum potential. Coaches do not recommend suppressing your feelings whatsoever otherwise you might experience “Broken Heart Syndrome” which has physical symptoms such as stroke pain in the chest area and difficulty in breathing which cannot be explained.
Letting go is one thing and breaking up with the person is a whole different thing. Some people are incapable of reaching the acceptance stage and to let go forever.
How can you support someone who is going through a hard time going through a relationship?
From real coaching sessions, the following is a wish list of what people who were going through this hard phase needed from the loved ones around them:
- I wish they would listen to me when I needed to talk about it.
- I wish they did not judge me when I needed to vent out my true emotions regarding my breakup.
- I wish they did not shut me off thinking they are doing me a favor.
- I wish they did not avoid bringing up my ex’s name because they are uncomfortable seeing me in pain.
- I wish they did not talk with such anger about my ex because it hurt me and made me feel uncomfortable even though their anger is not directed at me but at my ex because of how much he/she hurt me.
- I wish I was allowed to ask about their news because I wanted to make sure they are okay.
- I wish they were kind enough not to tell me every time my ex got into a new relationship thinking they were doing me a favor.
- I wish they did not tell me all his/her new relationship news out of gossip, because for me, it cuts into my bones every time I imagine it.
- I wish they stopped advising, guiding and directing because all I needed was someone who was willing to listen without imposing their perspective.
- I wish they didn’t tell me how I deserved better because how I actually heard it was that I made the wrong decision which made me self-sabotage myself every single day I thought about it.
If you know someone who is going through a similar situation make sure that you empathize with them because it is all they need. Put yourself in their situation and you would instantly know that the wish list above is all they need.